When I felt the lump during a self-check, I immediately knew what it was. I am a retired registered nurse and spent 35 years treating patients. I recognized the signs. When the official diagnosis came and I heard “triple negative breast cancer,” I wasn’t surprised—but I was terrified.

Knowing this type of cancer is aggressive, I was sure I was going to die. I did everything I could think of to “put things in order” before beginning treatment. I froze meals for my husband, updated my will, and gave away family heirlooms.

It felt like I was in a different world.

The dividing door

Moving and adapting have always been part of my life. My husband is a pastor and over the years we ministered in seven different states. After he retired, we began traveling full-time in our camper.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2019, my husband and I had just given up our road-warrior ways and bought a home in Ohio to live near our oldest son and his family. Unbeknownst to us but certainly not to God, it was an area with excellent medical services.

This is where I was called out of a mammogram waiting room into a medical conference room to learn how my life would never be the same. As I walked through the door between those two rooms, I distinctly felt I was crossing a dividing line: Before Cancer and After Cancer.

Getting a grip

My breast cancer treatment plan included five months of chemo, a lumpectomy, and radiation. After spiraling in the initial shock and fear of my diagnosis, I knew I needed to “get a grip” to face what was ahead.

I was raised in a Christian home and began my personal relationship with Jesus as a teen. I have spent my entire life walking with God, so in this new place as a cancer patient, I decided to stop panicking and trust him.

The Bible was the first place I looked to for hope. One verse became especially meaningful to me. Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

I could have dwelt on pathology reports and memories of past patients who had negative medical outcomes, but I chose to pray instead. In the days when my brain was in a chemo fog and I couldn’t concentrate, I would just say, “God, please uphold me.”

Finding hope, strength and peace

Covid hit just I was finishing the chemo part of my treatment, so in-person support wasn’t possible. Instead, God helped me find hope, strength, and peace in other ways.

Because my friends and family couldn’t visit me, they would regularly call and text and send me messages on social media. They also sent me thoughtful little gifts. A core group continually covered me in prayer.

All of this was like a shot of energy for me.

Blessings in marble

I also found encouragement from a variety of other sources. An autobiography detailing the hardships of missionary Hudson Taylor reminded me that struggling is okay; it’s what we do with our feelings that makes the difference.

A quote from a well-known Christian leader named Charles Spurgeon also helped me stay focused on God’s goodness. He said, “We are too prone to engrave our trials in marble and write our blessings in sand.”

When I read this, I knew I wanted to “write my blessings in marble.”

In the past I had not journaled regularly but during my cancer treatment I felt a strong desire to do so. I began using colored pencils to add drawings to my journal. I am not an artist! I just drew whatever came to mind as I recorded my feelings, inspiring Bible verses, and meaningful quotes.

Journaling helped me to more clearly understand my feelings, fears and how God was using the Bible to speak to me and lift me up. It also helped me to be able to more clearly share my feelings and experiences with my husband, family and friends.

The tree and the sprout

One day as I was journaling, I drew a huge tree. I remember sketching with extra intensity and giving the tree a strong, thick trunk. Then I drew a little sprout leaning against it. I was in the middle of treatment, and this was clearly me and the Lord.

The drawing reminded me of a Bible verse with a promise from God. It was 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Singing songs from childhood

I’m not a singer, either. No one needs to hear me sing! But I love to—especially the church hymns I grew up with. As I went through breast cancer treatment, I pulled out an old hymnal from my childhood. I would sing and be reminded of how God had been faithful to me all my life.

It was comforting to hold that worn book and sing the familiar hymns I’d sung sitting beside my mother and siblings in church. I could hardly get through one without feeling uplifted.

A rising sun

Despite all of the support and encouragement, I grieved the realization that even if I made it through this cancer bout, the concern of cancer recurrence will always be with me.

One night I was especially depressed and decided to google, “hope” and “cancer.” A picture of a rising sun popped up on my screen. I was instantly drawn to it and clicked on the website. That’s how I found Hope Has Arrived! I read the stories and joined the prayer and support group on Facebook. Learning how others had coped with cancer brought hope to my heart.

One more day

After my breast cancer treatment was finished I had very good results and there was no evidence of disease. I often say to the Lord, “Thank you that I have one more day.”

And there’s no way I can live the same as I used to. I am on the other side of that dividing line. I try to be very intentional about reaching out to others going through cancer, sending cards and texts like the ones that meant so much to me.

I also joined the Hope Has Arrived Support Staff and now help lead the Prayer and Support Group on Facebook—the same group that helped me through my darkest days. It has been a blessing to continue to be part of this group.

Advice for others

What would I say to those facing cancer right now? Be intentional in seeking out uplifting things to think about and enjoy. Some days you won’t have energy to do anything but sit on the couch, but when you can, look to art, music, books and nature to uplift your heart. Spend time reading the Bible, too. The Psalms are especially helpful in their honest expression of emotions.

And whenever you feel small and weak, think about a tiny sprout bending toward a lofty shade tree. Lean into the Lord. God is strong, and he isn’t going anywhere.

 

For more about how to begin a relationship with God, see Knowing God Personally.

For more help on your journey, see Find Hope Now. 

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