I am a small business owner, wife of a culinary arts teacher, and mom of three kids in high school and college. I am also a colon cancer survivor.

After almost a year of going to my regular doctors and being dismissed, I became very sick right after the world shut down for covid. At first, no one thought I had cancer—not even the John’s Hopkins care team who eventually took my case. I was young and seemingly healthy, and I took good care of myself.

As a 41-year-old busy mom with an online jewelry business, erinpelicano.com, I didn’t have time for sickness, but my lower abdomen pain wouldn’t go away. For several months, I followed various doctors’ orders and tried “fixes” that didn’t fix anything and didn’t bring relief.

Searching for answers

In April 2020, just after Covid hit, I developed a chronic fever and the pain intensified. Covid restrictions meant I couldn’t get an in-person appointment or a colonoscopy. Then I landed in the E.R. with extreme pain, finally discovering I had a six-centimeter abscess on my colon.

Questions abounded concerning the cause of this abscess, given my age and overall good health. Thankfully, I finally got an appointment at John’s Hopkins. A CT scan showed no cancer, but I still needed answers. My doctor scheduled a colon resection.

Surgery took place on my 43rd birthday, the only day the doctor was available. Great timing, right?

Shock after shock

Due to Covid, my husband, Richard, had to wait in the hospital parking lot for what ended up being an eight-hour surgery. Partway through, he received a shocking call: I had colon cancer.

The surgeon requested permission to perform a hysterectomy as well as the colon resection. After surgery, it was my turn to be shocked. As I was wheeled to my room, I came out of sedation faster than what is normal. I couldn’t move or open my eyes, but I could hear—and what I heard was the care team talking about my hysterectomy and stage 3 colon cancer.

This devastating news was confirmed by Richard, who had to remain in the parking lot and had to tell me over the phone. Later, in my post-op consultation, the surgeon bluntly informed me that “I would be alive for Christmas.” This was in August—and all he gave me in the way of reassurance.

Shock after shock. It broke me.

Wrestling with God

When I was 27, my younger brother passed away from a drug overdose. He was my only sibling. So, when I got sick, I struggled with deep questions. I made healthy choices and didn’t engage in risky behavior. “Why did this happen to me?” I thought. “Did it make any difference to lean on God?”

These questions lingered as I went through treatment and experienced terrible side effects. Somehow, I still managed to help my kids navigate virtual school and protect them from my darkest fears—while also grappling with the challenge of managing a “luxury item” jewelry business during a pandemic. With a cancer battle ahead.

Dealing with all this at once felt catastrophic and I wrestled with God.

How I found hope, strength and peace against cancer

Then I learned that sometimes, the Lord sends us “angels”—unexpected people to help us in crisis. My GYN surgeon was one of those people. She said something I really needed to hear: “We are not gods. God is God. We don’t know

what’s going to happen. He does.”

A daily reset

That statement moved me to schedule a 10:30 a.m. pop-up on my phone with these words: “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer (Romans 12:12).” This Bible verse became my daily reset. It reshaped my thinking each day, reminding me that God was with me.

With God, I could have hope, strength and peace. I was just shy of two years cancer-free—a huge milestone for colon cancer—when I got the news the cancer returned to my liver.

I now had stage 4 colon cancer. This time, my surgeon was reassuring. It was an early catch, but the experience still brought me to my knees.

I had tried so hard to beat cancer and now I was facing it again. I feared leaving my kids. While people’s prayers were comforting, I knew they didn’t guarantee my survival. My brother’s passing made me very aware of life’s fragility.

Faith reframed

When my liver surgeon and my parish priest gave me permission to be angry and wrestle with my feelings, I

spent a few days alone and finally accepted that I couldn’t control the length of my life.

My faith in God was “reframed.”

I came to understand that God doesn’t dole out cancer or drug overdoses. He does promise there is more beyond this life, and he gives us glimmers of that hope.

Life isn’t a math equation

This past July marked me three years cancer-free from my cancer recurrence and I have started a new chapter as a small business consultant. I want to help others put in fail-safes to keep them from derailing when unexpected crises hit.

Going through cancer—twice—has taught me I don’t have to know “why.” It’s an interesting place for me. I’m a numbers person who likes math equations with a tidy problem and a clear solution. But life isn’t a math equation. We don’t always get clear answers to our questions. And this may be one of the greatest ways I’ve grown through my experience with cancer: I’ve learned to stop seeking “why” in hard times.

Advice for others

I would encourage those currently going through cancer to lean on the trustworthy people around you—but put your faith 100% in God.

Understand that you don’t have to be strong or hopeful 24/7, that is an unrealistic goal. It’s okay to feel weak.

Take quiet moments in your day to listen to God. We can be connected to God all the time, especially through prayer, but sometimes social media and the news and general busyness make us forget this.

That’s why Romans 12:12 still pops up on my phone at 10:30 every morning. I am reminded to reset and live day by day with God—rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.

 

---

I have a question or comment
How to find God’s hope, strength and peace

---

 

---

return to Stories