Hope Springs Forth
Why I continue to honor and remember my friend who passed away from cancer.
When I first met Kristin, I had just moved to a new city.
I remember hitting it off with her at a fall festival and bonding over our shared love of cotton candy. She was six years older than me, but she had such a youthful exuberance and energy it often seemed like she was much younger.
Shocking news
Our friendship continued to grow over the next few months. Then one day, she asked if I was free for lunch, where she shocked me by telling me she had cancer. What? She didn’t look or act sick. How was this possible? She explained that in the spring of that year she began throwing up one evening and couldn’t stop.
Her roommate took her to the emergency room where she was diagnosed with a massive inoperable tumor in her abdomen and told to “get her affairs in order.”
The journey begins
She began some moderate chemo but it wasn’t having much effect on her cancer unfortunately. She wasn’t sure how many options she had but she asked me (and many others) to pray with her for healing and that God would be glorified in her life.
Joy despite circumstances
That was the beginning of the first phase of our friendship. Occasionally she would have to get up quickly from a meal because the tumor would make her vomit. She also couldn’t stand for longer than a few minutes. But despite all these side effects and the unknown future, she maintained a joy in her life that was so inviting.
It was no surprise for me to learn that Joy was her middle name.
Hope springs forth
Kristin also taught me a lot about hope. It was one of her favorite words. We both marveled at the street name of the house where we became roommates—Hopespring Drive. It was just a few months after we had moved there when I hugged her good-bye at the airport one morning, not sure if I would ever see her again.
She had found a surgeon who believed he could successfully remove the tumor. Without any other options, she agreed to the surgery, despite the 25% chance that she could bleed to death on the operating table. It was incredibly scary, but she was full of hope. I remember the phone call from her mom after the surgery.
“Best possible outcome,” she said. “They got the whole thing.”
A new season
We entered a new season of fun. We hosted parties at our house, we went on a few vacations together, we talked about boys we liked, and both dreamed of getting married—the future brimmed with possibilities for both of us. It was maybe a year and a half of that before she received some unsettling news.
In one of Kristin’s follow up cancer screenings, they found tiny spots on her liver.
How I found hope, strength and peace during my friend’s journey
Walking through Kristin’s cancer journey gave me a new understanding of hope. It wasn’t this frivolous idea that just sounded good, but it was deeply rooted in tangible actions and required great expectations for what lay ahead.
One of Kristin’s favorite Bible verses was Psalm 40, and we talked about it several times.
“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand (40:1-2).”
She loved the part about God lifting her up out of the slimy pit and placing her feet on the rock. And as a friend supporting her, I needed to rely on God as my rock as well.
The next season
Not long after the news about her cancer returning, we entered the final season. Although it lasted years, it was filled with chemo, hospital visits, increasing pain, complications, and finally liver failure, even with a transplant option discussed (but ultimately ruled out) just before she passed.
I was with her for five days in her parents’ home just a few days before she went to be with Jesus. What a holy time. It was only because of faith that I was able to leave her house that final day for my flight home, trusting I would see her again one day in heaven.
Seasons of grief
There are a million other things I could say about our friendship, but there’s some additional things I’ve learned about grief that have echoed as much as her own personal impact on my life.
On the first anniversary of her death, it was additional therapy for me to post on social media about her. I had grieved so much that year, and now years later, I still post about her every September to honor her life and the time we shared together.
How I changed
When I first met Kristin, I was in my early 20s and hadn’t dealt with very many difficult things in life. I was care-free and just wanted to have fun and enjoy life. Kristin wanted those things, too, and we did have lots of fun together. But our friendship reached a much deeper tenderness because of cancer.
I learned not to take things for granted, especially with Kristin, because we didn’t know how long we had. Of course, this is true for everyone, but it’s easy to forget. It was a rare gift to be allowed this kind of friendship that touched my life so deeply.
Advice for others
Cancer is scary, but it can reveal things about life that we might not see otherwise. It can be a gift not only to the person enduring the treatments, but to all those who journey alongside. We need to have open eyes to see where God is at work and be faithful in prayer and present to those suffering.
Advice about grief
Everyone copes in their own way. If you’ve lost anyone, you know it’s a loss that should not be. There are all kinds of emotions. Your own pain, the hole in your life, survivor’s guilt, the pressure of well-meaning other people, the weight of decisions regarding your loved ones’ services, belongings, and legacy.
There are so many heavy and unknown emotions. Navigating it daily can be a challenge, even as your grief changes over time.
For me, the best source of hope I found is through a relationship with God. It has continued to give me hope Kristin is in heaven, and I will see her again one day.
If you know God, I encourage you to lean into him during your season of grief. If you don’t, today is a good day to discover the hope waiting to be found. Find hope that helps you now, and for all of eternity.
If you would like to learn more about to begin a relationship with God, read Knowing God Personally.
For more help with finding strength outside of yourself, read Asking God for Help.
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How to find God’s hope, strength and peace
