A Cancer Survivor’s Poem
An ovarian cancer survivor shares her poem, “I Am Still Here,” about the blessings and challenges of her cancer journey.
We recently featured Hope Aguillar in a Story of Hope called, “What? I Have Cancer Again?”
Hope wrote this poem while she was getting treatment from a cancer recurrence. Here is what she says about the poem: “I think it expresses my emotions in a way that can help people understand a bit more about me and things I think about, and maybe what other survivors think about, too?”
Now approaching 10 years since her diagnosis, Hope continues to serve as a cancer advocate for early detection of what many refer to as “The Silent Killer” of women—ovarian cancer.
Here is her powerful cancer survivor’s poem.
I Am Still Here
By Hope Aguillar (written May 25, 2021)
As I lay in my bed and find it uncomfortable
I switch to the couch
And still, feel the same
Why can’t I shake this pain away?
I think “maybe the floor will feel better?”
And it does but only for a few minutes.
Then I make it back to the bed
Only to feel the same way
It is hard to describe how my body is reacting
It’s not just ONE thing, it’s so many things rolled into one
I know the chemo is needed as it is a prophylactic
As much as I know this too shall pass
That this will not last forever
I can’t help but wonder is this my life from now on?
Will this be a never (truly) ending sad song?
After all, this cancer journey I’ve been on has been going on for almost ten years now
It came very uninvitedly, obviously
Then it went away for a good amount of time
Only to return like a murderer going back to the scene of a crime
I really thought that that would be it though
That cancer had reared its ugly face for the last time
Only to discover that maybe it never really truly went away
What else is there to think, to say?
I’m not bitter.
Please don’t see me that way.
Yes, this journey continues to wreak havoc on my body, and at times even with my mind
But I’m not bitter, I am very okay
I feel grateful and thankful
To those that have shown love and support in an almost angelic kind of way
So do not think I have lost my faith
Or that I stopped living by my name
For despite the reality of my circumstances being what they may
I will continue to live in HOPE no matter what will come my way
Because nothing lasts forever, not even stupid cancer
And because of that, I am able to smile
regardless of the pain that I endure
For one day this chapter will be (truly and finally) over
Until then, I’ll not ask the question that may never have an answer
And I’ll sing and dance and look at life through the lens of a gal that feels as lucky as
A four-leaf clover
Because I’m still here…I am still here!
Besides writing a cancer survivor’s poem, Hope has also served in three branches of the military and taught ESL overseas, including in Saudi Arabia. She has a Facebook page, and wrote the book, “Hope Through Cancer.”
Would you also like to experience gratitude on your journey?
Note: We are not doctors and we cannot answer your medical questions. However, we welcome your questions about finding hope and knowing God.