From our first breath, we know that something feels off when we are alone or disconnected from others. Being in community with others helps alleviate our loneliness. 

Yet, we often find that making friends and building community can be hard. This might be why St. Augustine, a third-century philosopher, said, “Whenever you go out, walk together, and when you reach your destination, stay together.” When we find a good friend, we hope and pray they stay because finding someone who understands our journey is challenging. 

Like many of our desires, our longing for friendship points to something greater—a desire for the truest friend, which I share more about at the end of this article (see “A true friend”).

An epidemic of loneliness

Loneliness has become a significant issue worldwide. In the past two years, over 200,000 people have died from despair-related causes like suicide, drug overdose and alcohol related illnesses, now the fifth leading cause of death in the United States. In response, many countries have appointed leaders called “Ministers of Loneliness.” 

For example, the country of Great Britain has appointed such a position, as a 2017 survey indicated that more than nine million people in the country often or always feel lonely.

Not admitting our need

Is our struggle to find friends linked to our difficulty in admitting our needs? Imagine being in a coffee shop and seeing a signup sheet for people looking for friends. No one has taken a slip from the sheet. Next to it is a sign-up for a stamp-collecting club, which you also enjoy. You quickly grab a slip from the stamp flyer but hesitate to take one from the friendship sheet. Why?

Often, we take risks when there’s something to gain, but we hesitate when the effort might require us to face our needs or cost us something in the process, even if it could help us. Not only do we want a friend, but we need one. But if we’re unwilling to take risks to find what we need, how can we have hope for a solution? 

Friendship becomes even more critical during tough times, like facing cancer. A 19th-century bishop, J.C. Ryle, said, “Friends half our troubles and double our joys.” A true friend shares our burdens and helps us remember the joys in even the most challenging times. 

The difficulty of facing cancer alone

Going through cancer alone is very hard. True friends are constant in our lives. They set aside their own needs to support us. A friend invests in our lives and shows emotional sensitivity without taking advantage of us. They offer grace and understand that our mistakes do not define us. Without friends who have these qualities, facing cancer can feel overwhelming. 

This is why Hope Has Arrived provides a prayer and support group. We want you to have a community of like-hearted individuals to lean on during your cancer journey. If you are a cancer fighter, survivor, or caregiver, consider joining our online support group.

A true friend

Having friends reminds us that we were made for community. While friendship is a valuable gift, it isn’t always perfect. However, good friendships help point us to our desire for the best friend of all—the one who laid down his life for us. 

Jesus had friends during his life and continues to seek real friendship with us. He surrounded himself with friends and showed deep investment in those relationships. Even when betrayed, he brought restoration with love. Jesus is our ultimate friend.

His first act of friendship was becoming human. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the 20th-century German pastor and activist, said, “He wants you as you are; He doesn’t want anything from you, a sacrifice, a work; He wants you alone.”  

The friend who is looking for us

We don’t have to exhaust ourselves looking for the perfect friend, because Jesus is already looking for us. In him, not only will we find a friend who will be a constant in our lives, but also encourage us in hope, not just for today, but also tomorrow.

We are reminded of this truth in the Bible when we read from the Gospel of John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

How does it feel to know that Jesus wants to be your friend? Is it easy or hard to believe that he will always be your friend? What difference will Jesus’s friendship make as you face cancer, or other hardships? 

Exploring friendship with Jesus

We encourage you to explore these questions with an open and curious mindset. Our hope for you is to discover the perfect friendship found in Jesus, not just for your cancer journey but for your whole life. 

For more about knowing Jesus as a friend, read Knowing God Personally.

Or you, could pray this prayer right now. The specific words are not as important as the attitude of your heart:

“God, I’m asking you to be my friend. I’ve never been so in need of help, so secretly afraid of what I’m facing. I need someone to be there with me in the highs and lows. You are the Creator. I want you to be my God and have a friendship with you. Come into my life right now as you promised you would. Thank you for giving me this relationship with you. Help me grow to know you more.” 

If you prayed this prayer, check out the links below for next steps.