Throughout my life, from childhood cancer to the years afterward, I have wanted to find a source of lasting peace and stability to help me through the twists and turns of life.  

Here’s the story of how I found it.

My background

I currently live in Colorado Springs, but I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona. I have always been fascinated by science and learning about how the world works. 

My interest in biology especially grew after going through childhood cancer at age 15. 

Warning signs

During finals week of my freshman year in high school, I wasn’t feeling very well. My primary care doctor thought it was just another bout of the yearly strep throat I caught, but that diagnosis was wrong.

I remember my teacher looking at me and being like, “You look like a bullfrog,” because my lymph nodes were so swollen. Later that week, the pain didn’t go away and my mom knew I was seriously ill, so she took me to the ER. 

A new reality

Not long after, the doctor sent me to the Phoenix Children’s Hospital, where they gave me some shocking news: I had acute myeloid leukemia, which is something more common in people 55 and older. 

The cancer had infected 90% of my cells and doctors said I had only a small chance of living. The experience didn’t feel real at first, but gradually the news sank in. My initial thoughts were:

“Am I still going to get my A’s?” (I was a straight-A student). 

“I’m going to lose all my hair.”

“I’m going to lose all my friends.”
“I might die.”

Strong for others

I was terrified, but I also felt the pressure to be strong for my family. I put on a good face when they visited, but then I would go to the bathroom by myself and break down and cry. 

Looking back on it, it was so heavy for a 15-year-old to carry the weight of being strong for everybody. 

Finding a friend

For the next five months, I lived in the hospital. I faced all kinds of medical challenges related to treatment, including a full-body rash, jaundice and my tongue swelling so much I could only communicate with a whiteboard for a few weeks. 

At one point, I became friends with another teenager with cancer named Danielle, who had relapsed. She was a few years older, but we became close and laughed a lot.

I remember playing Medical Bingo one night virtually, because we were confined to our rooms due to lowered immune systems. My card had registered a bingo, but I couldn’t get through on the phone to tell them I won. So Danielle went to the room where they were streaming the game. 

Soon I saw her on the TV. “We have a bingo!” She shouted, while the camera and everyone in the room turned and stared at the bald girl in a hospital gown with an IV pole. We both laughed hysterically. 

Bone marrow transplant

Eventually, I was transferred to City of Hope to get a bone marrow transplant from my brother, who was a perfect match. Just a few weeks prior, Danielle was transferred there to receive a transplant from her mother, who was only a half-match. 

Shortly after that, I got news that Danielle was being sent home to hospice care because her transplant had been unsuccessful. A few weeks later, she passed.

Losing my friend was so tough. It also underscored my fear: “Will the transplant work for me?” 

I would soon find out. 

How I found hope, strength and peace against cancer

I found hope through my family who continually supported me. I also found hope through being stubborn and strong-willed. 

Looking back, I can see now how much strength God gave me during that time. But I had some years of wandering with my faith before I could see that fully. 

I wouldn’t say I felt peace during that season, but I had no choice except to keep fighting and stay positive. 

Return to normal life

After a successful bone marrow transplant, I was stable enough to go home, and I returned to school a year later, during my junior year. 

Not everyone recognized me when I went back to school. Instead of straight and blond, my hair grew back curly and brown. “Where is Katie?” asked the biology teacher—the same one I had my freshman year. “I see her on the roster, but where is she?”
When I raised my hand, she was stunned. “Oh my gosh,” she said. “You look so different.”

I tried to settle back into normal life, but it wasn’t easy. I somehow still earned good grades and graduated in the top 20% of my class. 

Growing up fast

Going through cancer forced me to grow up quickly. I realized that not everyone would continue being my friend through suffering. So many of my classmates didn’t know how to act or what to say around someone who might die, so many withdrew.

Cancer also showed me that life is not all about vanity, which I quickly learned when I shaved my head and dealt with scars after treatment. I was also acutely aware that we will face trials and suffering in our lives. 

Wandering

After I survived, I wanted to become a pediatric oncologist to help others with childhood cancer. I shadowed some of my doctors for a few years, but later I became disillusioned. When I was their patient, my doctors were so fun and lighthearted. But as I observed them over the years, I saw their spirit and hope fading. 

So I chose a different path, instead using my interest in biology for research, including animal and human physiology. 

Later, I ended up moving to Kauai and working for various nonprofits and schools—lots of different jobs in various places. I was wandering in my career, but the free-spirited part of me enjoyed it. 

I was also wandering spiritually.  

Spiritual searching

I grew up in a Catholic family, so I knew God was real and that he was someone I could turn to. But in some ways, I felt that if you didn’t obey him, you would be punished.

I remember thinking after I survived cancer, “I need to find something that isn’t going to punish me for who I am.”

Through a boyfriend and some other people I met, I started dabbling in New Age and Tarot cards and referring to God as “Spirit” or “Universe.” Rather than taking me closer to God, this path pushed me away.

I thought I was happy, but deep down, I was unfulfilled. I wasn’t finding the stability or peace I was seeking. 

Hopeful words from a survivor

Ironically, it was the words of another cancer survivor that helped bring me back to God. 

A little over a year ago, I was staying with my friends in Arizona named Lynn and Jerry. Lynn had an unexpected scare with breast cancer. 

She was also into New Age, yet something changed when she got cancer. She heard the voice of God tell her Jesus was the true path to God. 

“You won’t find God through anything other than Jesus,” she told me. 

I listened politely, but I remember thinking, “Well, that’s her story, not mine.”

Yet, her words challenged me. Jerry’s words also sparked something in me. He told me, “With the Word (the Bible), I feel fed.” Those words really resonated with me. 

Turning point

While staying in their guest bedroom that night, I felt a presence come over me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was experiencing God through the Holy Spirit. I felt a flood of peace and lightness and hope, and it became a turning point.

I began addressing my prayers to Jesus, attending church and reading the Bible. Verses like Proverbs 3:5-7 spoke to my heart:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-7).”

As a researcher, I was trained to lean on my own understanding. This verse challenged me to do the opposite. Yet, when I seek to follow God and live by faith, I have found more peace than I’ve ever felt. 

Instead of wandering, God continues to lead me. He is showing me where my greatest home is: in Him. He is the stability and peace I have been seeking all these years. Experiencing this is quite magical. 

Looking back

It was 24 years ago when I had childhood cancer. 

The experience shaped my life and perspective in so many profound ways, and I now see that it was God who gave me the strength to get through it. 

The faith I found is a culmination of my life’s path, and I’m excited for whatever is next. Whatever God has for my life, I am 100% all in on trusting him. I am no longer wandering but following the specific path he has for me. 

Advice for others

If you are struggling with cancer, or maybe one of your family members is, know that you are not alone—even though it may feel like a very lonely spot. Don’t lose hope and don’t lose faith. 

Also, don’t be afraid to laugh, because laughter is such good medicine. Try to stay positive and don’t get down on yourself. 

For me, the best way to stay positive is to rely on God. If you put your trust in God, he will lead you and take care of you. You don’t have to wander. He will give you peace and make your paths straight. He is doing that for me, and he can do it for you, too. 

 

For more about how to begin a relationship with God, see Knowing God Personally.

For more help on your journey, see Find Hope Now. 

---

I have a question or comment
How to find God’s hope, strength and peace

---

 

---

return to Stories