Last year I watched my wife slowly fade away. Brain cancer claimed her in just seven months.

There was no turning away from the painful trial that had come to our house, for I was diagnosed with colon cancer at the same time. My future was cautiously hopeful; hers was terminal.

Every day, every hour, every slowly moving minute of the clock, a cloud hung over us. And during my own devastating chemo treatments my job was clearly to be brave and do the best I could for her.

Here’s what I learned. Maybe it can help you.

1. Just be there.

Your loved one’s total perspective on life has changed. Thoughts of missing weddings and birthdays and family overwhelm. The promise of tomorrow is gone. You can’t fully understand the awesome mental transition from this world to the next until you face death yourself. I was given some hope; she was not.

In these days of trial, you must be more comforting and forgiving and do more servant-like tasks than at any time before. Your most precious gift is just to be there. Hold their hand. Never stop expressing your love, recalling happy moments you have shared.

When your loved one has passed (and maybe there is hope for more time) you will ask yourself if you could have done more. You will find solace in remembering that every day you were there, gently walking this difficult path with them. Are you doing that?

My regret? I was so stunned by what was happening to us that I compensated by going to the office and trying to maintain my daily routine. It helped me to set aside reality if only for a few moments. But that was selfish.

If I could do it over again, I would seldom leave her side. I can see that now. You can make the choice to just be there, not because it is convenient or easy, but because you are what they need the most.

2. Find others to help.

You can’t be there every minute. You may have a job from which you can’t take leave. Or children to take to school. Find a helping caregiver. Many services are offering interim care that will come to your home for an hourly rate. They are trained to comfort and to serve. Having this assistance will help you greatly. Instead of washing dishes and doing the laundry, you can focus on them while giving yourself needed “time off.”

You may be thinking, “Oh, I can’t afford to hire help. Oh, yes you can and must. If you must take out a bank loan, get a second mortgage, or tap your life savings, do it. After all, what is money right now? Your loved one needs you to find help no matter the cost.

You must also find trusted comforters to be at their side. Those comforters may be family members or precious friends. I was blessed by two “angels” who would sit through the long nights, holding her hand and praying the fears away. They were there when my knees were weak and my heart was downcast.

3. Leave room for hope.

I say this cautiously. Sometimes, even a terminal diagnosis doesn’t turn out the way a doctor predicts. The loved one may get more time than expected, or even a miracle of healing.

You must hold hope in your heart. Miracles happen every day. With God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). Do not let your hope be extinguished. Your loved one knows you well and can sense your discouragement or despair instantly.

Put on a demeanor of hope every moment. Don’t let go.

I have often said that encouragement is the elixir of healing. This is your task, your greatest work. Have hope, show an encouraging spirit every moment you have together.

4. Be sure about their eternal destiny—and your own.

Nothing—absolutely nothing—will comfort you now and after they’re gone more than knowing beyond doubt that they will be in the presence of Jesus in Paradise.

You have a responsibility to help them to know what awaits them and it is perhaps the most important thing you will ever do.

There are two possible alternatives here. Either you both “know” God and are already certain of your destiny, and this gives you daily hope, strength and peace despite cancer.

Or, one or both of you is uncertain about eternity, simply hoping there’s “something out there” after death.

Right now—this moment—is your chance to find the answer, to know—absolutely without a doubt—your eternal destiny.

That’s not my idea. It comes from the life of Jesus Christ who walked this earth and who was crucified for us, to cover all our sins, and to bring us certain hope of eternity with him.

Eternal security

The apostle John wrote, “I have written these things that you may know you have eternal life (1 John 5:13).” God doesn’t want us to endure fearful nights without hope about where we, or our loved ones, are going after death.

Jesus tells us many times in the Bible, “Be not afraid,” and brings an experience of peace and calm and trust such as we may have never known before.

So how can you achieve, how do you earn, or what must you do to know where you and your loved one will spend eternity?

The answer is simple and profound. You must place your trust and confidence in Jesus Christ, who promises us life forever with him. Jesus says we should come to him like a little child (Matthew 18:3), believing our Heavenly father can do anything. He promises this: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him (1 Corinthians 2:9).”

This is so wonderful, so beyond our imagination or words, but it is waiting for those who turn to God as their savior.

A saving prayer

Assurance of our eternal destiny begins with a simple life-changing prayer.

Perhaps you, or your loved one, would pray these words with me now:

“Jesus, I believe you are master of the universe, my creator, and I come to you now to say that I believe in you. To say that I am sorry for the things I’ve done wrong, and to ask your forgiveness.  I believe that you died for me and I want to spend eternity with you. Help me to see life in a different way. To face this challenge with confidence that you are waiting for me. Teach me to love you and to follow you. Amen.”

What this prayer means

I suggest you read the prayer again out loud. And think deeply about what the words mean:

1. You acknowledge that Jesus is real.
2. You acknowledge that you’ve sinned in your life.
3. You acknowledge that he died to cover your sins and you receive that forgiveness by faith.
4.   You have confidence in His eternal promises for you.
5.   You realize you must learn to love and walk with him.

Next steps

Eternal life is the promise of the one who created all things. Every star, every planet, every living thing, every cell in your body is His creation. And He promises that if you meant that prayer, eternal life is yours beginning now.

If you have prayed this prayer, please click on the link below (some helpful information follows). Or feel free to ask a question.

May God give you the hope, strength and peace you need to care for your loved one. He is with you.